| Past Topic - Week of July 22: Favorite time of day |
[01 Aug 2005|03:40am] |
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mood |
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 calm |
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What is your favorite time of day? Why?
I like to be out at night. There's something about it, especially as the leopard. The perfect time to hunt, I guess. At least it is for me. Especially since my leopard form is black. It makes blending in so much easier.
Or maybe it's because most of the people I know are active at night. That happens when you work at a nightclub owned by a vampire, or live with a necromancer. Anita was always out until almost dawn, then would sleep all day. It worked out pretty well.
But even beyond that, there's just something about being up when most people aren't. The daytime sounds are muted. Muffled. A car driving by doesn't sound the same at night as it does during the day. And you hear things at night that you miss in daylight. The soft sound of something rustling through the underbrush. There are small critters that are out at night, the ones the leopard always wants to chase.
I guess I don't have a specific time that's my favorite. Just... night time.
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| Jon and Lars |
[09 May 2005|03:33pm] |
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mood |
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 curious |
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Nathaniel walks into the small shop, the bell above the door ringing loudly as he enters. Looking around curiously, he smiles at one of the employees who looks up to greet him. He's been curious ever since Jon came home with his piercing, and finally decided he wanted to come down and check the place out himself. After a few moments of looking at various tattoo designs, he wanders over to the counter where several displays of piercing jewelry sit underneath a glass counter. Fascinated, he begins to look over each of them in turn.
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| Topic Week of April 22: What is your worst character flaw? |
[25 Apr 2005|05:29am] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
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I'm not sure. It depends on who you talk to. I suppose being a shifter would be considered a character flaw. Having the beast inside of me at all times, and not being able to control it at the full moon... yes, I guess that is a character flaw. I don't usually think of it like that, anymore. But I suppose it is.
Maybe the fact that I never say no to people is a character flaw. I guess it must be, or I wouldn't always need to be watched. I guess needing a babysitter is pretty odd. It doesn't seem like it, anymore. At least I know I won't end up in the hospital again, which is a good thing, right?
Needing people could be a character flaw. I don't like being alone. I miss my friends, my family. Being lonely is sometimes so hard, I'll go places where there are a lot of people, just so I can be near them.
I don't know. I have a lot of character flaws. I'm just not sure which one of them is the worst.
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| For Jon, and anyone else who might be interested. |
[24 Apr 2005|03:57pm] |
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mood |
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 disappointed |
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The moon is not yet above the horizon when Nathaniel steps outside. It’s a gorgeous night, not really cold anymore. The rain of the past few days has stopped, but the ground is still damp. The trees have been budding for a while, but the rain has knocked a lot of the petals to the ground, and the blow in little waves along with the remnants of last year’s leaves.
Nathaniel takes a deep breath, the smell of rain and wet soil making him smile slightly. He likes the scent, knows it will be stronger in just a little while. Stretching slightly, he pulls off his shirt, and then his jeans. The moon is close to rising, he can feel the pull through his entire body.
After a few moments, he can sense that someone else is nearby, and he glances around, slightly worried. He’s very close to the change, and he doesn’t want anyone getting hurt by the leopard. The beast is always hardest to control right after the change at the full moon. Grabbing his shirt and jeans, he turns around and takes a few steps back toward the house, thinking that maybe going back inside is probably the best idea. The leopard won’t like it much, but he’s spent the full inside quite a few times recently, one more won’t be that bad.
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| Topic Week of 4-1: Consequences |
[06 Apr 2005|03:53am] |
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mood |
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 lazy |
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I think I might like to remain in my leopard form. It's a lot simpler. There aren't a lot of worries, for the most part. Somewhere safe to sleep, something warm and dripping blood to eat. A mate, maybe. But other than that, it's just kind of nice not to worry about things like work and relationships sometimes.
I would be able to hunt whenever I wanted. Or I could just chase rabbits, if I wanted to. Because sometimes, rabbits just need to be chased. So do leaves, feathers, and sometimes the occasional stick. When there aren’t any wolves watching, of course. It wouldn’t do to let them see a leopard doing something so undignified.
But then I would lose my family, my friends. I think I’d miss my job. I wouldn’t get a chance to do things like learning to drive. I wouldn’t get to cook or do any of the things that the leopard never worries about, that can be fun. You know, consequences are such a pain in the ass, sometimes.
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| Topic Week of 3-4: If you could change one person's mind about something, who and what would it be? |
[05 Mar 2005|02:53am] |
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mood |
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sad |
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“I wish I could change your mind,” Nathaniel whispered, watching her sleep. “I don’t want to be without you. I need you to need me.”
It was still dark, and the house was silent. Even so, it felt alive. It always did when she was home. It didn’t take long for that feeling to fade once she was out the door and gone again.
The words to ask her to stay never formed when she was awake. Nathaniel knew if they did, it would only lead to pleading. He had no aversion to humbling himself; he felt no shame in groveling or begging. But for this? He would never do it for this.
Because if he did beg, she’d stay… for that reason alone. To Nathaniel, that would be a worse humiliation than anything else, one even he couldn’t stomach. He wouldn’t have her staying out of pity.
She’d changed him, shaped him and taught him that he could have more. Now… it was time to use what she’d given him, and perhaps find his own place in the world.
And yet… “I wish I could change your mind. I wish you would stay.” His lips brushed her cheek and his arms tightened around her, as he held on for just a little while longer.
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| Topic Week of 2-4:What does the word 'love' mean to you? |
[06 Feb 2005|08:02pm] |
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mood |
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blank |
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music |
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Type O Negative - Summer Breeze |
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Love means never having to say “I’m not really human, because I sort of got infected by a lycanthrope way back when I was a heroin junkie. And then there’s the fact that I was a prostitute, because the leader of my Pard and his fuck buddy thought it was a good idea to turn me and the rest of my pard-mates into submissive money making whores, both in clubs and in our very own porn movies. Which, by the way, involves a lot of pain and usually quite a bit of blood. Oh, and I shouldn’t forget that because of this I really have no idea how to run my own life, and pretty much need someone to make sure I do things like pay the bills, and buy groceries and… oh yeah, be sure that I don’t let the next person I hook up with kill me because I’m incapable of saying no. Did I mention that I once was the equivalent to a sex buffet for the new leader of my pard? Because that should probably not be overlooked. But don’t worry, I’m only a stripper, now.”
Love means never having to say any of that. But I suppose just because you don’t have to say it, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t. Just in case.
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| Catch-up topic - Week of 1-14: Describe your funniest childhood memory. |
[23 Jan 2005|05:28am] |
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mood |
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nostalgic |
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My friend Stephen and I caught a squirrel once. When I was human, I mean. I've caught lots of squirrels since then.
But when I was little. I think I was like seven, or around there. I read this comic book that I'd found in the trash, and there was one of those ads on the back. Like for x-ray glasses, or sea monkeys. Only this was for a Daniel Boone raccoon trap.
I never did figure out why Daniel Boone wanted to catch raccoons.
Stephen and I decided to build one, though. Found an old box and a stick, scraped some change together and bought a bag of sunflower seeds at the corner store.
It worked, too. Except we caught a squirrel instead of a raccoon. We decided to keep it as a pet. I don't know. It seemed like a good idea at the time. So we kept it in the box, and took it with us. We thought we were going to need more sunflower seeds, because of course we didn't want it to go hungry, so back to the corner store we went.
Things were fine until we set the box down to count the rest of our change. The squirrel popped open the flap and shot out of that box like nothing I’ve ever seen. It scampered across the top of the shelves, and then saw the hat a woman was wearing. It was a truly hideous hat. But it had all these huge flowers and leaves on it, and I guess the squirrel thought it looked like somewhere safe to hide.
That woman’s shriek when that squirrel landed on her head was probably heard miles away. Stephen and I were in shock, I think… for a whole ten seconds. Then we ran like hell. We didn’t even remember our raccoon trap.
It was a couple months before either Stephen or I went back to the corner store, but we never did stop trying to catch more squirrels.
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| Topic Week of 12-31: Reflections of the past year. |
[04 Jan 2005|01:31am] |
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mood |
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content |
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music |
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Alice In Chains - I Stay Away |
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Watching the rain roll in, Nathaniel reflects on the past year. So many new friends made… Thomas, Jon, Millicent, Baphomet. Draco, Aiden and Adrian. Azrael, Mike, KITT. Craig. Some still around, some have moved on. Nothing new in that.
He’s seen things he never imagined possible, gone places he’d never even dreamed of. Met gods, traveled to the past, done things for himself he’d never hoped to do. He still dreams of visiting Troy and Z’ha’dum and Mars. He still visits Lucid, occasionally. He owns his own house. Sometimes he even remembers to do normal things, like making sure the bills are paid, although it’s generally already been taken care of.
He’s made it through twelve more full moons, survived twelve more transformations. The past year has held good, and bad, and with all of it, Nathaniel is content. Not happy, but not unhappy, either. There’s another year ahead, after all.
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| Topic Week of 12-10: What are your religious beliefs? |
[17 Dec 2004|12:54am] |
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mood |
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indifferent |
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music |
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Type O Negative - Christian Woman |
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What are your religious beliefs?
I went to church a couple of times when I was a kid. It was all right, I guess. Some guy standing around telling everyone else how they should live if they wanted their souls to be “saved”. I don’t know if I really believed him, even back then. Why are the “rules” for that church the right ones? Who says that the other guy’s rules aren’t?
Someone once told me that I do have a soul and that I wasn’t damned simply because I was a lycanthrope. I almost believed him. But we’re not “natural” creatures, are we? Vampires aren’t. They almost certainly don’t go to heaven when they are killed. So I am not so sure we do, either.
Raina didn’t. Of course, she wasn’t exactly an angel, in any way, shape or form.
Were-souls must go somewhere else. I don’t know where. I’m really not in a hurry to find out… I’m no angel, either.
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| Topic Week of 8/27: Would you rather lead or follow? |
[03 Sep 2004|03:45am] |
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mood |
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content |
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music |
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Metallica - One |
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Would you rather lead or follow? Why? What role do you see yourself playing out over your life, leader or follower?
It seems to Nathaniel that he's been a follower his entire life. At the very least, he's been a member of a group for most of his adult life, such as it is. There might have been a moment, maybe two, in the last five years of his life where his path could have gone a different direction. Fleeting moments, which could have made all the difference, had he been strong enough, or courageous enough to take the lead.
Nathaniel has been content to be a follower. It's kept him alive, and in his world, that's no mean feat. He doesn't consider other options anymore; following orders is not even a way of life for him, as much as it is a part of who he is. He has no regrets.
But now he's a part of a new group. A small, exclusive, two member group. And he's occasionally startled to realize that though he isn't necessarily the leader in this group, he's not a follower, either. He may be a follower in other facets of his life, but in the group that matters, he's not leader, nor follower; he's a partner.
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| Topic Week of 8-6 - Friends and Enemies. |
[11 Aug 2004|04:17pm] |
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mood |
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 good |
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music |
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Switchfoot - Meant To Live |
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Is there any truth to the saying: keep your friends close, and your enemies closer? Do you have enemies? Do you have more friends than enemies?
I don't think I have many enemies. There are people and creatures that are evil, but they don't count as enemies. They're just beings that it makes sense to stay away from.
Enemies, evil or not, are more personal. An enemy is someone with whom you share a history. You know something of them, they know something of you. You carry around feelings for each other, such deep, intense feelings that there is no forgetting, nor forgiving. Sometimes, you might end up having to work together with an enemy, to reach a common goal. But this doesn't change the fact that you are enemies.
Is there truth to the saying? Of course. It's inevitable that you keep your enemies close. As the old saying goes, the opposite of love isn't hate, it is indifference. Love, hate, anger, jealousy... whatever makes up an enemy binds you to that person. Being able to let that emotion go would remove the bond, and you wouldn't be enemies any longer.
I like to think that I have more friends than enemies. The truth is, I don't have many of either, but those that I do have, I wouldn't trade for anything. Yes, even the enemies.
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| Topic Week of July 30 - Money, fame or happiness. |
[11 Aug 2004|04:08pm] |
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mood |
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happy |
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music |
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A Perfect Circle - Pet |
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Money, fame or happiness, you can only have one... what would you rather have and why?
Looking around his new home, Nathaniel realizes that in this moment, for the first time that he can honestly remember, he's truly happy.
It's not the new surroundings, though they are exactly what he wanted. He is enjoying the luxuries riches can buy. But no, money isn't what he used to lie awake at night imagining.
Nor is fame. Nathaniel doesn't think much about his job. He likes his work; stripping is hardly a burden by any stretch of the imagination. He daydreams once in a while about going somewhere - bright lights, big city. But he's smart enough to know that people who make it big on talent alone are few and far between. So it isn't fame that he yearned for on those sleepless nights, either.
Nathaniel is happy. He could say that it is one specific person who has made him happy, and no one would question it, even himself. But the truth is that it's more than that one person. He's made friends on his own, friends he'd do anything for. He has learned hard lessons, though he's honest enough with himself that he understands there are still parts of him that are broken, parts that will take a long time to fix, if it's even possible.
This is what he would wish for, late at night. Just to be happy, even for a few moments. He only hopes that there are many such moments to come.
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Happy Birthday ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) jon_r_meyers! |
[27 Jul 2004|12:12pm] |
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mood |
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happy |
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music |
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Black Sabbath - The Sign Of The Southern Cross |
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Happy Birthday, Jon.
*hugs*
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| Topic Week of July 16: What makes you jealous and how do you deal with it? |
[27 Jul 2004|11:36am] |
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mood |
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peaceful |
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music |
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Type O Negative - Christian Woman |
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There aren’t many things Nathaniel gets jealous over. He isn’t very materialistic; possessions can be lost, stolen, misplaced. Therefore there’s no reason to be jealous of what others have, since he doesn’t particularly want them anyway.
He doesn’t get jealous over people, either. He’s never felt he has a right to be. He doesn’t own his friends, and has never begrudged them the other people in their lives. The lovers in his past were never exclusively his, and he’d always known that from the beginning. To be jealous of their other lovers would have been an exercise in futility.
Now there is someone in his life who is Nathaniel’s exclusively, and Nathaniel is his. But Nathaniel still can’t imagine being jealous; he trusts his love and Craig’s. Even though the experience is new for him, he believes in their bond.
The only thing Nathaniel is really jealous of is something he can’t have. Humanity. But he’s learned to deal with his jealousy, and occasionally, the pain he craves and seeks out will help him forget for a while… at least long enough for his jealousy to fade again.
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